


How Can You Be in Two Places at Once When You're Not Anywhere at All?

by laughingacademy



Category: Twin Peaks
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Series Spoilers, Spoilers, Yuletide 2015
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 22:27:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5472842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laughingacademy/pseuds/laughingacademy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“There you are. Come tell the dime-store mannequin you’ve stationed outside Cooper’s room that I’m not going to kill him.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Can You Be in Two Places at Once When You're Not Anywhere at All?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [laughingpineapple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/laughingpineapple/gifts).



Sheriff Harry Truman found an empty space at the far end of the parking lot, pulled in, shut off the engine, and spent a moment just breathing. Just one moment, though — any longer and he risked losing momentum. As it was, it felt like a monumental effort to climb out of the SUV and start walking towards Calhoun Memorial's main entrance. Agent Albert Rosenfield, pacing near the doors, greeted Harry with his customary tact.

“There you are. Come tell the dime-store mannequin you’ve stationed outside Cooper’s room that I’m not going to kill him.” 

With that, Albert grabbed him by the arm and started towing him through the lobby. When they paused under the fluorescent lights near the elevators to make way for a passing gurney, the agent said, “You look like hell; when’s the last time you slept?”

“I caught a couple of hours after Cooper … reappeared, and before he woke up.” 

“Uh-huh.” Albert was quiet the rest of the way to Cooper's room. As they approached the door, he pushed Harry ahead a couple of steps and shook him while glowering at Deputy Engels. “Look, I’ve brought your boss! Can I go in now?”

Harry sighed. “It’s okay, Rob, Agent Rosenfield’s just eager to help.”

“Champing at the bit,” Albert said, and bolted inside.

By the time Harry was done reassuring the deputy, Albert had shucked his overcoat and was bent over the unconscious Cooper. Harry leaned against the wall beside the door, arms folded, as Albert performed something between a check-up and a forensics examination which concluded with him leaning in to take a whiff of Cooper’s hair. After that, he sat on the bed and frowned at nothing for a few seconds, then gestured for Harry to come closer.

“Between the long-distance connection and your receptionist’s free-jazz conversational style, I have at best a very rough sketch of what’s been going on.”

“How about you tell me what you know, and I’ll fill in the details?”

“All right. So, Windom Earle kidnapped the winner of the local beauty pageant, Cooper chased them into the woods, and then a day later you found her and Coop, both injured, and no sign of Earle?”

Harry scrubbed at his face. “Oh boy. This could take a while. You may want to get some coffee before we start.”

Albert winced. “No, thank you. Come on, Sheriff, spill.”

For the next half-hour, Harry did his best to lay out everything that happened in the previous two days: the chaos at the Miss Twin Peaks Pageant, the conclave at the Sheriff’s Station, the pursuit through the forest to Glastonberry Grove —

“What do you mean he _disappeared_? You lost track of him?”

“I wasn’t that far behind, and I never lost sight of his flashlight until he turned it off. I’m telling you, he put his hands out, these red curtains appeared, he stepped through, and then it all faded away.”

— the daylong vigil in the woods, ending with the sudden appearance of Annie Blackburn, bloodied, and Cooper, seemingly unhurt.

“He wasn’t injured?”

“He was lying on his back with his eyes shut, but when I called his name he opened them and sat up a bit. Annie was out cold and bleeding from the head. I did what I could for her until the EMTs showed up and took them both to Calhoun Memorial.”

Albert pointed at the dressing on Cooper’s brow. “So how’d that happen?”

“The hospital was swamped. The doctors said it’d be okay to take Coop back to his room, as long as someone stayed with him. I was dead on my feet, so I asked Hawk to take first watch while I grabbed some shuteye. Once the sun was up, I went to the Great Northern. Doc Hayward met me there. Coop seemed to be sleeping when we went in. Hawk said he hadn't moved all night. About ten minutes after Hawk left, Coop woke. Right off the bat, he said that he hadn’t been asleep. Then he asked, ‘How’s Annie?’ I told him she was in the hospital but that she’d be okay. Next thing he said was, ‘I need to brush my teeth,’ so Doc and I helped him out of bed. At the bathroom door, he turned and said it again, ‘I need to brush my teeth.’ He seemed ... off. About a minute later, we heard a crash, then … he kept asking, “How’s Annie? How’s Annie?” and laughing. We had to force the lock on the door. He was bent over the sink, laughing, and the mirror was broken. The doc said the best thing would be to take him back to the hospital. He quieted down again while we were waiting for the ambulance. And here we are.”

Albert scratched the back of his neck. “Could he have slipped?”

“That’s what Doc and I've been telling people, but between you and me, the angle was all wrong. I think he rammed the glass with his head.”

They sat in silence for a long moment.

“Harry, let’s take a walk.”

Harry followed Albert out of the room, nodding to Deputy Engels on the way. After a dozen steps, the agent tapped an orderly in green scrubs on the shoulder.

“Hey, where do you go to smoke?”

The smokers’ hang-out, around the corner from the ambulance bay, was deserted, though a thick scattering of cigarette butts attested to the spot’s popularity. 

Albert lit up. “Okay,” he said on the exhale. “Cooper chased his mentor-turned-nemesis into the Twilight Zone, and now he’s having a long overdue nervous breakdown.”

“Goddammit, Albert, this is not the time—!”

“For what? Flippancy? Wisecracks? Hear me laughing? Harry, I believe you. I believe you one hundred percent, because as wacky as your story is, I can match it. You saw Coop vanish into thin air? Well, a year ago I saw him be in two places at once.”

“... What?”

“Yeah.” Albert took a furious drag on his cigarette. “Goddamn Gordon Cole and his goddamn blue roses. Did Cooper ever mention that the lead agent on the Teresa Banks case disappeared?”

Harry shook his head, feeling sick. “No.”

“Special Agent Chester Desmond. Last seen at the Fat Trout Trailer Park. Cooper found his car there, with ‘Let’s rock’ written on the windshield in lipstick. There’s been no sign of him since. Maybe he’s wherever Cooper went last night.” Albert dropped the butt and ground it underfoot savagely.

“He was in two places at once?”

“Somewhere — I think Gordon has it — there’s a videotape that shows Coop standing in the hallway _outside_ Gordon’s office, at a moment when he was _in_ the office an arm’s length away from me.”

“You want to see where he disappeared?” Harry blurted.

“Sure. Let’s visit the scene of the crime.”

“The drive seemed longer last night,” Harry said later, as he watched Albert warily circumnavigate the sycamore trees. 

“I’ll bet." Albert stepped inside the circle of trees to get a better look at the pool in the center. "You said this place is also linked to the Palmer girl’s death?”

“Leland came here after he killed Laura. He left a bloodstained towel, and pages he’d torn from ... Stop. Hold still.”

“What is it?”

“Look down by your feet.”

“What? Where?”

“Between those rocks — never mind, I’ve got it.”

Harry reached between two of the stones ringing the pool and tugged something loose. He straightened up, showed Albert his discovery, a crumpled shred of white paper, and smoothed it out as best he could to read it. Albert was craning his neck, trying to get a better look, when Harry suddenly whirled and sprinted back to the car.

“Hey!” Albert yelled, and ran after him. He caught up in time to hear Harry say, “... and do NOT let him out of there, understand?” and the squeaky blonde reply, “Oh-okay Sheriff, I’ll tell them,” over the radio.

“What the hell, Harry?”

“I’ve ordered another guard put on Cooper. We need to get back there right now.”

“What did you find?” Albert asked as they climbed into the SUV.

Harry handed him the scrap of paper and turned the key in the ignition. “It’s from Laura’s diary.”

Albert squinted at the girlish cursive, and then began swearing, steadily and fervently, under his breath.

_The good Dale is in the lodge, and he can’t leave._

**Author's Note:**

> This was my attempt at reconciling the ~~series~~ season two finale and the feature-film prequel/sequel, _Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me._
> 
> The guard at the hospital is named after writer/producer Robert Engels.
> 
> The title is shamelessly stolen from the Firesign Theater. I'm convinced that Albert would be a fan.
> 
>  **ETA:** This story was originally posted before _Twin Peaks: The Return_ aired. I've changed the tags from "post-series" to "Alternate Universe — Canon Divergence" in deference to the new canon.


End file.
